6 habits to increase your social fitness to live longer and better

For more than 80 years, the Harvard Study of Adult Development has followed people across their lives to understand what contributes to longevity.

One of its most consistent findings? The quality of our relationships in our 50’s is strongly associated with how healthy and satisfied we are in our 80’s. It outperforms cholesterol levels, income, and genetic factors.

According to the World Health Organisation, strong relationships can extend lifespan by 7–17 years, with an impact comparable to regular exercise.

We often measure success through followers, career progression, wealth, status, and appearance. But research suggests that something much less visible matters much more: Having a handful of people we can confidently rely on.

So how can we strengthen our “social fitness”?

1️⃣ Offering help

Researchers gave people a chance to spend $100 doing something that made them happy. A few months later, they checked how the money was spent and what impact it had on the participants.

While some purchased themselves gifts, others paid to access experiences such as concerts, and a few decided to donate part of the money or buy someone a gift. Guess who enjoyed the highest and most enduring positive effects? Those who used the money to benefit someone. Apparently, generosity can be great for the giver too.

2️⃣ Accepting support

In my corporate workshops, I often ask people how comfortable they are offering help versus asking for it.

That’s when a pattern emerges: most people are happy to help others, but many struggle to receive help themselves.

If that sounds familiar, reflect on these questions: When someone asks you for help, do you see them as a burden? If not, why assume you are one when you need support?

3️⃣ Listening with curiosity, not judgement

You don't need to be a therapist to make someone feel heard.

Instead of stopping at “Are you OK?”, try:

👉 “I've noticed you've been…”

👉 “What's at stake?”

👉 “Tell me more...”

👉 “What alternatives do you see?”

👉 “What's under your influence?"

👉 “Who can you count on?”

Showing genuine curiosity helps others feel heard and seen. As the experts in our own lives, we often just need to be prompted with meaningful questions.

4️⃣ Expressing appreciation

In our minds, bad is stronger than good. Negative experiences stand out, while positive events quickly vanish from memory. That’s why we need to make a conscious effort to notice the good.

Like any muscle, gratitude requires practice. Not taking things for granted and expressing our appreciation for others gradually shifts how we see the world around us. That means we can interpret the same context as heaven or hell depending on where we pay attention.

Ask yourself: "What am I grateful for now?" and "Who's helped me achieve it?" to map your gratitude recipients.

5️⃣ Giving someone your full attention

In a world competing constantly for our attention, undivided presence has become a rare gift.

Think about the last time someone put their phone away, looked you in the eye, and was completely present with you. How did that make you feel?

Attention communicates something powerful: You matter. No wonder it’s such a powerful way to build relationships.

6️⃣ Sharing moments of joy

When we're under pressure, we often want to get straight to the point.

But laughter, play, and positive emotions can broaden our thinking and help us see possibilities we might otherwise miss.

That's one reason a little fun at the beginning of a meeting can foster a more open and relaxed environment that fuels collaboration and creativity.

The list could go on and on and on. But you probably already know which one of these six strategies is your low-hanging fruit.

So here's my invitation: Choose ONE and put it into practice today. Then come back and tell us how it worked for you.